4 Letters that Should be a Curse Word

I never wanted my son to live in a broken household, but I realized that it was long broken and shattered way before I had ever left and then ultimately became divorced. It got to the point finally where I had gotten so used to the abuse and taught myself to cry silently so as to avoid being laughed at. He stood over me as my body would shake as hyperventilation kicked in making me curl me up into a fetal position cradling myself in a ball on the bathroom tile.
Eventually he would come in pulling me to my feet but I would still be trembling from holding back more tears, and the shocks the panic attack sent shooting throughout my entire body (which after his laughing hug and condescending pat on the head he would become turned on disgustingly enough).

PTSD is an arduous journey as something seemingly small can trigger a debilitating trauma that causes your entire being to feel like it’s happening again vividly right now, or perhaps only a day or week ago.
The wounds are never cauterized so frequently they can be reopened and feel so fresh like no time ever passed.  

It seems to make you feel forever dinged because at the snap of a finger no matter how great you are doing a complete mental and physical shut down can happen with just the blink of an eye.

It is NOT permanent though… I remind myself of this daily.

It just takes insight and constant work so that every time it happens you can acknowledge it and pick yourself up before the downward spiral sends you so far under that keeping your head afloat becomes an excruciatingly difficult task. The best description is the feeling of suffocation… like you are drowning only there is no life-vest or rescue boat in sight. I refuse to let my head go under the water.
No.
Learning to heal and not let this darkness overtake you is one of the hardest things to manage. Living in survival mode constantly it’s almost unfathomable to relax as in the back of your mind you are waiting for the other shoe to drop since you never knew where/when your next trigger could be lurking around the corner.

From what I have seen many do not want to speak out about it either, so very much remains hidden not just from the public but even from those closest to you like friends and family. If you do confide in them and they make the effort to understand the hell you are going though then trust me my dear friends that despite every setback you are incredibly lucky.

Until I truly heal I will continue wishing upon every shooting star with all my heart to not fall down again. They say even the best fall apart sometimes… And I’ve learned that is nothing to be ashamed of!

This is a battle where you win some and you lose some, But you Never Ever give up until the War is won!
Victors Not Victims!

Momentum won’t happen if you don’t pedal!

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar-

Time to get in the shower people! I thought about that simple concept today after exercising and of course going from presentable to downright grungy in under a half hour. Luckily change can be constant if you work at perpetuating healthy habits and cycles, but you Have to do it daily!
Use it or lose it they say- and when it comes to anything important to you whether it’s keeping up a desired goal weight, having healthy relationships, and the above quote reference that even our basic hygiene needs maintenance. Our cars need routine maintenance don’t they? How much more so do our bodies and minds need a check up then since after all we cannot trade in for a newer model if we break down. No warranties. No guarantees. We shouldn’t expect any given rights in this mad world we live in today.

Daily affirmations work because negative connotations can become predicated in us so easily. In the dictionary the word predicate is defined as: Logic. That which is affirmed or denied concerning the subject of a proposition. So are we going to affirm logic that is beneficial or deny ourselves the daily joys that life has to offer…? 

I‘ve always been a #quoteJunkie keeping positive mantra magnets all over my refrigerator, wearing jewelry with inspirational words inscribed on them, and even taping up photos on my bathroom mirror so that way every time I pass by I see fond memories and moments of confidence from my life.
And you know what? Little things like this really help me keep a better outlook and serve it’s purpose as a reality check!

It can be so easy to forget and let necessary things fall by the wayside when life’s pressures start to squeeze. That’s when constant reminders such as a seemingly simple quote can easily flip a switch like cartoon characters that get an idea and a light bulb flashes up over their heads. Simplistic methods such as these can serve as powerful reminders in order to press the refresh button in our minds browser. Even Google Chrome needs a re-boot every now and then! Only You can choose which programming option to use- So choose wisely!

 

Autism Irony

Many times I hear such amazingly sweet and meaningful words that touch me  to my core and deservedly a beaming smile flashes in my eyes and across my face. Truthfully though I find this rather difficult quite often, so instead I tend to half smile hiding tears that start to well up in my tear ducts. The kindness is shrugged off instead of reflectively and rightfully having it be sunken into my heart.
Why…? Well unfortunately I suffer from these agonizing feelings that I should be doing MORE! MORE! MORE!

No matter how many Doctor’s and Specialist appointments, IEP meetings with his teachers and therapists, ongoing new treatments, current evaluations, new behavior analyst tests, and then of course painstakingly long and semi difficult research I do desperately in the hopes of finding any ways I can to help improve the sweet love of my life- I still always feel like my best just isn’t nearly anywhere good enough….
Many times though I hear some phrases that do not get anywhere remotely close to my heart strings, in fact can inadvertently be semi hurtful….
Such as:

1. “HOW do you do it?! I could never!”
2. “He is still in diapers at almost 7? My son potty trained at 2- Have you tried giving him M&M’s?”
3. “God only gives special needs children to people who are strong enough”

So to answer those questions….

1. How do I do it? Well what other choice do I have? I certainly cannot push him back up the birth canal! Those episiotomy scars long healed- Thank you very much! And trust me natural child birth was plenty of enough trauma there!
2. Yes he is 7 years old and refusing to potty train… M&M’s you say? OHMYGOODNESS I had never heard of such a brilliant idea!? Bribing my son with sugar in the hopes of compliance for him to “normally” have a bodily function? Well someone alert the media there is a new groundbreaking ideological theory!
3. God “chose” me to have a son with a severe neurological condition to prove how strong I am? *Not to get into a religious debate as I know my Bible cover to cover*-But what am I his servant Job being tested to the max? I’m sorry but why on earth would a loving God want to single me out to face obstacles that bring me to my knees constantly and make me feel like I’m drowning in a puddle of my own tears?

Before you chastise my answers that may seem to have negative undertones I just strongly encourage everyone no matter their circumstance may be to just drop the mask every now and again and let yourself free from the self judgement you impose on yourself and the fear of being judged by others. Open up, Clear out, and Vent!
Try it!! It’s refreshingly therapeutic and even funny to read back over your tiny rant and giggle knowing that it’s not actually how you truly feel! Just sometimes your back breaks a bit, the walls start to cave in, and suddenly you find yourself wanting to meltdown on the ground like your little guy or gal on the autism spectrum.

And you know what I’ve realized….? IT’S OK…!
Even Mother Teresa probably had bad days too where I’m sure she might have rolled her eyes at certain people’s comments!

Let it Out and Let it GO! Otherwise you’ll just be a ticking time bomb awaiting either a padded room or a jail cell. 

Yay it is finally Autism Awareness month!!

Oh how I wish everyone shared my immeasurably boundless passion to spread awareness and funding! I am writing this post now in an effort to reach out to whoever in this great big wonderful universe who might want to band together to see the soaring rates of autism decrease.

Did you know …

• Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
• Autism prevalence figures are growing
• Autism is the fastest-growing developmental disorder in the U.S.
• Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average
• Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
• There is no medical detection or cure for autism

National Institutes of Health Funds Allocation

• Total 2012 NIH budget: $30.86 billion
• Of this, only $169 million goes directly to autism research. This represents 0.55% of total NIH funding.

• More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes & cancer combined.
  (https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/facts-about-autism)
  Close to 50% of the money raised for Autism Speaks comes from the Walk Now for Autism Speaks events. Walk events not only generate vital funds for autism research, but also raises crucial awareness about autism on the local level.

  If at all possible please join my team “Walking for Lincoln” even if you cannot walk as the event is this Saturday April 11th in St. Petersburg Florida. You can still make a donation that will directly go towards the incredibly needed funding for research and the services they graciously provide for families in need.
  http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/tampa/walkingforlincoln

  My son does not have a voice to advocate for his disability so I am his voice- and I will not stop trying my best every single day to help him be the very best possible Lincoln he can be. I am also making neat crafts to sell and either list on Ebay or Etsy and then donate the proceeds to Autism Speaks (https://instagram.com/p/09LK9YxW0S/). If you are interested please comment below and thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read this~ Much love from Arielle & Lincoln

  Every little bit of Awareness matters!

  

  The Love of my Life

My Son~ My Sunshine

I never could have imagined how motherhood would change my life completely…. Never.
I was petrified every day scared out of my mind as having a high risk pregnancy I could have lost my sweet boy Lincoln at any time due to SUA and an umbilical cord insertion issue. After 30 weeks of gestation I had to drive 1 hour round trip twice a week to the hospital for monitoring and testing while working a full-time stressful job being a certified pharmacy technician. Always by myself to each and every appointment as I had a very unsupportive/abusive ex…. in fact the first time he hit me was when I was pregnant.

But on May 14th 2008 at 1:45 in the morning my Angel was brought into the world. I will Never forget every single ounce of pain from natural childbirth but also how it immediately vanished the moment they laid him on my bare chest. I kept saying “Ohmygod, Ohmygod, Ohmygod!”~
Tears flooded down my face and that instant overpowering love was truly the most momentous occasion in my entire life. The astounding immense love I felt for him border-lined on post partum psychosis as I was up every 2 hours breastfeeding him but in-between those hours instead of sleeping I found myself constantly checking on him, putting my hand on his belly to make sure it was still rising, and carefully having a finger under his nose to make sure he was still breathing. Phew talk about temporary insanity!

I wouldn’t change the grey hairs I immediately started growing within a months time of becoming a mother. I wouldn’t change the stretch marks and tarnished stomach because without those “mama war wounds” then I wouldn’t have the unbelievable love and shining light that he glows every day!

Some days are harder than others to maintain all the positive energy that I aspire to keep in our lives. It is an uphill battle to put the so-called “oxygen mask on yourself first” when ALL you want to do is use every ounce of strength for your child (especially since my son is fairly non verbal ASD, so I HAVE to be his voice)! People have asked me if I could go back in time and not have had this pregnancy would I…? To them I try to refrain from shouting HELL NO! Unless you have experienced the joys/struggles of being a special needs parents then you truly do not understand, and that lacking perspective can only be gained upon obtaining awareness from learning information and showing kindness!

This month of #AutismAwarenes I refuse to keep my mouth shut!
I will continue to speak words from my mind, heart, and complete soul up until the day I no longer walk this earth.

YES more talk about Rape!

My recent posts have primarily been focused on sexual abuse as I adamantly feel that by not speaking out about the topic then we inadvertently are contributing to the dismal lack of awareness on this imperative matter.

Every single horrific experience in my past shaped me into a stronger person as I survived those events despite the wave of devastation they caused. Did you know it is customary procedure for a rape victim to be admitted into a psychiatric ward for the evening after having a rape kit done in order to be on suicide watch? I hadn’t known that- not until I was told by my nurse that they felt I didn’t need to. In fact it was around 4 am when all was said and done at the hospital and my friends that said they would pick me up did not answer their phones unfortunately. So I took a cab home by myself in the early morning darkness back to the scene of the crime- which was my own house. If that doesn’t scream strength then honestly I don’t know what on earth does?!

Here is a chilling excerpt of the “awareness” we have:

“Republican nominee for Senate Richard Mourdock’s recent “misspeaking” is unexceptional. Despite what he may have meant when he said “even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape that… is something God intended to happen,” he is unexceptional.”
A fair reflection of our cultural tolerance, one without party affiliation, for rape and its qualifications— “Legitimate rape” versus non legitimate rape. “Forcible rape” as “stock language,” “lemons from lemonade.” Women “should make the best of a bad situation,” “horribly created gifts from God,” husbands can’t rape their wives, because of science and technology no woman ever needs an abortion, “emergency rape,”women lie about rape legislation, “honest rape,” rape blackmail, “the sodomized virgin” rape, rape is like auto theft. But, again, all of this goes hand-in-hand with Facebook rape pages, Daniel Tosh rape jokes, Reddit rapist threads, music, videos, movies, ad infinitum.”
(retrieved online via http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-facts-rape_b_2019338.html)

I realized after 12 years of repressing memories that I had been sexually violated more times than I had even realized! And the scariest part of being in my previous ignorance was an evening when I had a traumatic nightmare painfully revealing that my own ex had raped me several times as I said NO and his response was “That’s MY S**t!” and refused to stop. I have a multitude of stories that I won’t get into right now as my body physiologically responds with redness and flushing heat to my cheeks along with red heated blotchy marks all over my chest with intense panicked tightening. Breathing becomes labored. Faintness upon standing ensues as I just walked to get some water. I always ask myself Why, Why, WHY….? So many brutal questions that I cannot fathom an answer to as I do not fully understand the rhyme or reason to it all….

Bad things happen to good people all the time they say, however that is not a means of comfort in the least bit. I don’t know about other PTSD sufferers but I find it extremely difficult to cry when I think or talk about what has happened to me in my past. Crying is a healthy way provided by nature in order to help you release negative energy from your soul. No matter how hard I try mine seems to grasp on to the pain, and I find myself unable to muster the courage to attempt letting it go.

 Join me in standing up and putting our voices together boldly speaking with heads held high. My intended goal is to help women navigate through this excruciating minefield, and empower them to report these crimes so charges can be pressed! No more Silence! I did even though nothing came to fruition as there was not enough evidence (I was drugged), and then my rapist died before the corroborating witness that finally came forward could get my case reopened. It’s not about vengeance- It’s the deserved right to have justice! No more Victims- let’s become Victors!

Every voice matters- I implore you to awaken yours too!

Liar Liar pants on Fire…

Call me crazy if you would like but I just don’t understand why people cheat…
If you are not happy in the relationship and start desiring other people then just end things!
Clearly the relationship is either dysfunctional or not meeting your needs/desires. It’s the obvious beginning of the end so why not just pull the band-aid off in one swift motion instead of a painstakingly slow process that makes it hurt more…?

I think it’s a pretty fair assumption that a large percentage of us have been cheated on at least once in our lives (I know I have) and know firsthand how badly it stings and the wounds that leave an aftershock behind like a tsunami after an earthquake. Let’s face it we ALL have baggage in one way or another. That is why the phrase was coined to “find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack”. However call me crazy again if you would like, but I feel that it’s better to be alone than to be with someone and feel alone.

Life is so complicated sometimes…
You’re up
You’re down
You trust, love, and care
Hoping, expecting, and dreaming that this treatment will be returned only to realize all too often that you indeed set yourself up to experience major heartbreak (or heart-annihilation as I like to create my own terminology).
This game called love- it is quite the crazy little one it seems. How many epic love ballads are there on the radio from decades past and present music now? Would there even be half as many songs created if love was not used as a lyrical foundation? But the real meaty question I ponder sometimes if ultimately it’s just an ego stroke or a way of amusement for some. Picking up someone’s heart like a proverbial shiny new toy and then discarding it once the next perceived better one comes on the market.

People who have intentions such as this are like cancer. You get the initial diagnosis. Then remove the tumor with surgery so it’s cut out, but draining chemotherapy to fix this life or death situation is oftentimes still needed. A proactive cleansing so to speak. Maintenance is also necessary in order to ensure one’s long term health.
Scars are left but only should serve the purpose of showing us where we have been. They do not and should not dictate where we are going. Learning to have faith and hope in love again is no easy process by any means after we have endured such pain, but we must enter the future with a clean slate if we want a shot at Real love.

I do believe it is truly out there for me and everyone else too. It’s just waiting for the moment you have progressed to a state of health, stability, self-love, and have developed independence knowing you don’t Need anyone to create your happiness because you know how to make it yourself. It’s liberating and amazing to free yourself from that emotional prison since you are the one possessing the key, so it cannot be taken away unless you entrust someone to hold it. Once you have gotten to that point you know what else they say- that it is only when you least expect and stop seeking love out that it then proceeds to falls into your lap. “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one” John Lennon said. I’ll leave with a lesser known quote by him that I love:

 “You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!”

Karma (ahhh)

They say you cannot truly love someone else until you truly love yourself.
Today I can say with unwavering certainty that I love the woman I have become.

Physically I know I can survive anything as comparing the excruciating process of natural childbirth dwarfs anything else; however emotional pain was/is always an uphill battle like trying to gain control of momentum on a roller coaster. The name of my roller coaster was Husband. The terror of the ride still haunts me. I remember with perfect clarity so many times he stood over me laughing at his own destruction and making a mockery out of my pain. I would be curled up in a ball laying in the fetal position on the floor of our bathroom (the designated spot I chose and went to countless times) crying so hard I would vomit gasping for air barely able to breathe. Eventually 10-30 minutes or so later he’d come in laughing, pull me up on my feet, hug me, and then say a derogatory comment while still laughing condescendingly.

Then, with a smile on his face and amusement in his voice, he’d tear me down even further. It was almost like foreplay for him. He enjoyed it. Sometimes, he would even become sexually aroused, and it sickens me to think of what I unwillingly permitted more often than not to happen.

Looking back now, my own tolerance and permissiveness, sickens me. Why didn’t I leave?! Why did I stay? I tried to bury some of those atrocities deep down inside myself, in an effort to block it out and forget. But I didn’t forget.  His abuse planted seeds of self-hatred and self-doubt so deep in my soul…. seeds that I let him plant and I let grow inside of me. Then drastically grew into an overpowering entity of bitter resentment eating me inside and out. The longer I avoided facing the pain I’d been through, the more overwhelming the bitterness and resentment became. You never forget pain like that.

I realized, I don’t have to avoid it anymore. I can’t.

I do not wish to hate the father of my child and would never wish that upon my worst enemy, but here I was sitting 3 years post divorce letting his cruelty haunt my usually happy demeanor with flashbacks from the past. I have decided to accept what I cannot change and acknowledge my own fault in that I allowed myself to be abused so long without standing up for myself. Most people go into Fight or Flight response but instead I went into a state closely resembling a kicked puppy dog whimpering with a tail in-between it’s legs. I let it happen over and over again. I did allow myself to be demeaned, but Not anymore.

“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That’s all there ever is.”
~Eckhart Tolle

Today the ongoing battle of custody/child support came to a climactic conclusion. The dreaded court case that made me lose so much sleep and gain so many new grey hairs is now finally over! I was petrified that I would fall to pieces and directly on my face. Not the case in this case however. I held my head up high even while being cross examined by the devil incarnate himself in the courtroom, and ended up winning everything I asked to be paid. Heck- I could have even asked for more and most likely would have been granted it, but I am perfectly content knowing that I finally got a piece of the delicious karmic pie I’ve been desiring to taste for so long now. Like a stranded traveler in the desert starving for water who constantly only saw mirages. Only this time I got to savor it for real and it left such a sweet aftertaste in my mouth.

Every single horrific experience in my past shaped me into a stronger person as I survived each and every single one of those moments even when doubt came to mind if I could withstand it all. Every so often I have those moments of clarity in life where the stars align and I can finally feel an overpowering urge of utter joy bursting at the seams. I want to jump up and down or twirl around dancing today knowing I took action and changed things for the better for my son and I.

My life is exactly where it should be and I am exactly who I should be. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. I know myself finally. Who could ask for anything more?

*Explicit* Read this if you Dare…

I have noticed that curse words tend to be 4 letters in length. More importantly I have noticed that every time I try to write rape or even abuse on my Iphone it auto-corrects it to say tape and abide. Even Apple doesn’t want to use or acknowledge these words. It seems to fall into a category of Hush-Hush, Shhhhh, and Don’t talk Don’t tell. Much like the now abandoned rule for homosexuals in the military. Why does this topic receive such little attention and awareness though? When there are murders, robberies, or even car crashes the media instantly leaps and bounds out of their chairs to report every detail of these crises, but in the event of a rape NO ONE bats an eyelash unless they are personally effected by this disaster. God forbid a celebrity were to get abused (like how Rihanna was physically assaulted) because then everyone has a loud voice and rallies for support. What about us commoners who are scared, alone, and have no means to receive any support? Maybe it is because the overall population seems wanting to remain blissfully ignorant and maintain their silence.

I recently read an article that sickened me to my very core: “Fewer than one rape victim in 30 can expect to see her or his attacker brought to justice, shocking new statistics reveal. Although 90 per cent of rape victims said they knew the identity of their attacker, just 15 percent went to the police, telling researchers it was “too embarrassing”, “too trivial” or a “private/family matter”.
(retrieved via http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/100000-assaults-1000-rapists-sentenced-shockingly-low-conviction-rates-revealed-8446058.html)

I knew the man who raped me. And the several others who attacked me. Did I receive justice? No. And I went through the heinous process via police and the emergency room in order to REALLY try to stand up this time. However it was to no avail and only kept things fresh in my mind. Hurting me even more profoundly was the morning I found out about his death (obviously no charges could ever be now) and saw his face plastered all over my Facebook saying what a “Great loss to our community and the art world he was. What a tragedy this was”- How about the tragedy of him violating me repeatedly?

The actress Teri Hatcher from the popular TV show “Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman” had the opportunity and gumption to share her story of sexual abuse on the United Nations day in November of 2014 that was called:

Commemoration of the International Day to End Violence against Women

She held back tears saying “I am 1 of 3 women who was forced to accept violence as a part of their life story…I am the one who yells from the rooftops until those numbers change, until every woman who has faced abuse, feels less alone and safe enough to find the courage to have her own voice. Until violence against women is not a part of any woman’s story. Silence will not be part of mine”! To her I can only say BRAVO!

1 in 3 women…. that could be your mother, sister, or daughter….
Let that sink in….

Later in the interview she goes on to say how she later found out her attacker not surprisingly continued this cycle of abuse with another victim (leopards don’t seem to ever change their spots do they?) and sadly this 11 year old girl had wrapped her head in a towel and shot herself in the head. In her suicide letter Teri’s attacker was revealed and implicated to having been abusing this poor girl for years. How could this have happened? Well society does cast a very unappealing light- using blaming questions like “What were you wearing? Were you drinking?”! “Shaming the victim by saying “Why did you stay?” or “Why didn’t you say something?” Instead of MORE importantly why did her abuse her?! Watch Teri’s inspirational speech I urge you! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFwXrBEQw1E)

The question MUST be asked why/how are there still hundreds of thousands of victims who remain silent for years missing the statute of limitations to press charges, but even sadder are the ones who immediately go and destroy all the evidence in the shower preventing any chance to find proof….?
….I didn’t…. I couldn’t even shower for days and then couldn’t sleep for an entire week.

Every 107 seconds, another American is sexually assaulted.

Here’s the math. According to the U.S. Department of Justice’s National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS)–there is an average of 293,066 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year.

For an eye opening quick read the above info was retrieved via https://www.rainn.org/statistics.
This is just NOT acceptable! Do you want to remain part of the problem by hiding away until something like this happens to you or someone you love? Or perhaps join a new movement of awareness and become part of the cure? I have the upmost respect for anyone who is not afraid to speak out and share their thoughts unabashedly… like one of my beloved heroes John Lennon. He openly and outright expressed his disdain for our society demanding to being heard and in doing so had a hand in forever leaving a change in the world. Only the good die young they say- I can’t help but wonder what else he might have had shined some enlightenment on? I dare say the world would be a strikingly better place….

What if…? A dangerous question

It seems that eventually in life we encounter an inevitable fork in one of the many crossroads we face as adults, and suddenly find ourselves caught up in a whirlwind trying to determine which way to proceed. Choosing one person to date instead of another, whether or not to get married, which house to buy, and heck even where to eat dinner! All of those things have the potential to be disastrous unfortunately- the chosen relationship turns toxic and chances are that someone much better for you passed by, you inadvertently bought a “money pit” of a house or worse yet end up a victim of crime there, and the chance of food poisoning is always prevalent eating out too! Not necessarily meant to be negative connotations here- just little reminders that we do not even realize most of the time how our choices come with either good or bad consequences. Had we chosen “left” instead of “right” or “A” instead of “B” then obviously there would have been a different outcome.

The point however is that we will drive ourselves mad pondering all the “What if’s”. It can be quite the slippery slope. To illustrate: a little bit of alcohol, bacon, red meat, or sugar is just fine but too much will cause your body to break down in a multitude of diseases. The same would become of our heart, mind, and soul if we were to indulge excessively in this behavior. Moderation is the most easily disregarded implement we can have in our tool-belt.
Asking ourselves thought-provoking questions about our past can indeed be healthy and beneficial for obtaining enlightenment and growth, but again an over-sized portion will have an unhealthy opposite effect. I think of it as corrosion of our spirit, and just like how the batteries in our vehicles need check-ups and replacements we too need these reality checks in order to maintain the power inside ourselves. I love Wikipedia (I have an app that gives me daily info and am a happy little nerd with each post) so I looked up the definition of this commonly known phrase:

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions is a proverb or aphorism. An alternative form is “hell is full of good meanings, but heaven is full of good works“.

How much hidden truth is in that second meaning? We can create hell or heaven for ourselves with our actions and our choices alone. The blame game serves no purpose for attaining personal growth. If we humbly accept our mistakes then we are laying the first brick down on the path of altruism. This path has many twists and turns so learning from our past transgressions and changing our course NOW is the surest way to secure safer and happier future steps.
Why not start now? What have you got to lose besides emotional clutter inside that can be cleaned up spic and span and cleared out to make space for blissfully happy new experiences. Here is a quote from Buddha that I love:

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”

Thoughts become beliefs, beliefs become behaviors, and then ultimately become the actions we take in all of our decisions to follow. I say pull out the weeds and make room for planting beautiful seeds that will unquestionably bring fulfilling satisfaction and the upmost content imaginable.