Love Lost/Love Gained

You always hear the expression that “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”, but I sorely disagreed with that sentiment over the years. My accumulation of former love that dissolved due to lying, cheating, and every form of abuse caused my heart to ache. Lamenting was a more accurate description of my feelings over the topic of love lost.

Making pro/con lists while in the throughs of despair can help you either decide to end the relationship or prove later why it was deemed for failure. I did this with the last disillusion of the 3 loves I’ve had in my little life, but seemed to have trouble since my mind would still be jogged occasionally with reminders of when things were actually good….

What was supposed to be….
All the dreams we shared. The memories. The inside jokes.

However I realized how unhealthy this was, and detrimentally was feeding the “pain body” as Eckhart Tolle calls it. Which is more or less keeping negativity alive that clouds your soul, and leaves very little space for positive energy. No one wants to have a trail of dirt float behind them like the Peanuts character “Pig-Pen”!

Holding onto the past allows retainment of now irrelevant information, and leaves no room for the present and the future.
I call it “Emotional Cutting” whenever I do that as it serves no purpose other than to cut me down. When you clean out the emotional clutter then there is room for better positive people carrying new positive energy into your life!

It’s like the quote: “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”

Live in the Now and Let it go- that is what takes real strength.

Momentum won’t happen if you don’t pedal!

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar-

Time to get in the shower people! I thought about that simple concept today after exercising and of course going from presentable to downright grungy in under a half hour. Luckily change can be constant if you work at perpetuating healthy habits and cycles, but you Have to do it daily!
Use it or lose it they say- and when it comes to anything important to you whether it’s keeping up a desired goal weight, having healthy relationships, and the above quote reference that even our basic hygiene needs maintenance. Our cars need routine maintenance don’t they? How much more so do our bodies and minds need a check up then since after all we cannot trade in for a newer model if we break down. No warranties. No guarantees. We shouldn’t expect any given rights in this mad world we live in today.

Daily affirmations work because negative connotations can become predicated in us so easily. In the dictionary the word predicate is defined as: Logic. That which is affirmed or denied concerning the subject of a proposition. So are we going to affirm logic that is beneficial or deny ourselves the daily joys that life has to offer…? 

I‘ve always been a #quoteJunkie keeping positive mantra magnets all over my refrigerator, wearing jewelry with inspirational words inscribed on them, and even taping up photos on my bathroom mirror so that way every time I pass by I see fond memories and moments of confidence from my life.
And you know what? Little things like this really help me keep a better outlook and serve it’s purpose as a reality check!

It can be so easy to forget and let necessary things fall by the wayside when life’s pressures start to squeeze. That’s when constant reminders such as a seemingly simple quote can easily flip a switch like cartoon characters that get an idea and a light bulb flashes up over their heads. Simplistic methods such as these can serve as powerful reminders in order to press the refresh button in our minds browser. Even Google Chrome needs a re-boot every now and then! Only You can choose which programming option to use- So choose wisely!

 

What is wrong with Wanting to be Single…?

Have you ever heard the expression at a wedding or a baby shower when older folks nudge you and say something like “Are you going to be next?”. Hmm- do we do that at funerals? “Hey you might be next”? NO of course not! That implication is malicious and has such negative connotations attached. But why is it okay to imply that a single woman’s life has something detrimentally missing in our lives and needs this colossal void to quickly be filled up?

With the ever changing society we live in now where women are becoming powerhouses in the workplace and gaining financial stability on their own and completely content (think of Samantha or Miranda from “Sex and the City” if you ever watched that awesome show) why is there still such a misconstrued implication that we cannot be happy and satisfied with our lives until we get married and/or have kids….?

Is it due to all the Disney movies we watched as little girls seeing Prince Charming swoop in and save the feeble princess who could not save herself? Or perhaps more modern movies like “Jerry Maguire” where that now epic line has been quoted and re-quoted repeatedly –
“You complete me“.
Nicholas Sparks has certainly done his job as well with “The Notebook” which has now become a classic Go-To for romance enthusiasts everywhere-
“I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me…everyday.”

So I ask the question what is wrong with a woman being single by choice living her life and “completing” herself? The subliminal messages in so many of these movies are portraying preposterously misguided undertones that preach that unless you find your “true love” or “soulmate” your life is lacking in fulfillment!

They say that the only person you can count on is Yourself. That is one quote that I Firmly believe in. It took me quite some time to get here.
Since my divorce I longed for that stability of so-called “security” of being faithful to each other, sharing responsibilities, and the overall satisfaction of truly taking care of someone who legally vowed to love you forever. HA! Not in my case!

Perhaps I sound jaded but it has been nearly 4 years since I divorced my ex husband and I vowed to myself that I would Never jump in head over heels again without carefully examining the person I intended to share my life with indefinitely. Now don’t get me wrong- I do want that eventually… but right now I honestly have SO much going on in my personal life taking care of my autistic son (95% all on my own), resuming college so I can attain my goal of counseling abused women, handling my photography business, and now this new-found passion of writing/blogging! So I honestly am 100% okay with not having a boyfriend or husband in my life! Does that make me crazy to others who place such a high value on finding “the One”? Maybe. Do I care? No.

I have always loved to write but was too afraid to share my work with anyone. Thanks to a writing challenge #30DOT (made by @RayTirado) I finally exposed my soul to the world. Guess what happened…? I got rave reviews! I never thought that I was anything special in that department so I was completely and utterly astounded plus ridiculously overjoyed when I received messages that my posts inspired other people! That was the catalyst in my decision to not waver on my mission to have My voice heard finally!

I‘m so very thankful to the many new creative writing friends I have met along this journey and shockingly enough wanted me to join their amazing group very soon after reading my entries! There are so many inspiring people from #TeamBossyKids! I am So happy to know that I am contributing (albeit in a small way) starting to put my life’s stories out there for the world to see completely uninhibited! Elation doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel at the prospects for the future! It’s as Steve Jobs said “I want to put a ding in the universe.”! And I know that I will….

Watch out world- there is no stopping me now!

Yay it is finally Autism Awareness month!!

Oh how I wish everyone shared my immeasurably boundless passion to spread awareness and funding! I am writing this post now in an effort to reach out to whoever in this great big wonderful universe who might want to band together to see the soaring rates of autism decrease.

Did you know …

• Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
• Autism prevalence figures are growing
• Autism is the fastest-growing developmental disorder in the U.S.
• Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average
• Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
• There is no medical detection or cure for autism

National Institutes of Health Funds Allocation

• Total 2012 NIH budget: $30.86 billion
• Of this, only $169 million goes directly to autism research. This represents 0.55% of total NIH funding.

• More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes & cancer combined.
  (https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/facts-about-autism)
  Close to 50% of the money raised for Autism Speaks comes from the Walk Now for Autism Speaks events. Walk events not only generate vital funds for autism research, but also raises crucial awareness about autism on the local level.

  If at all possible please join my team “Walking for Lincoln” even if you cannot walk as the event is this Saturday April 11th in St. Petersburg Florida. You can still make a donation that will directly go towards the incredibly needed funding for research and the services they graciously provide for families in need.
  http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/tampa/walkingforlincoln

  My son does not have a voice to advocate for his disability so I am his voice- and I will not stop trying my best every single day to help him be the very best possible Lincoln he can be. I am also making neat crafts to sell and either list on Ebay or Etsy and then donate the proceeds to Autism Speaks (https://instagram.com/p/09LK9YxW0S/). If you are interested please comment below and thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read this~ Much love from Arielle & Lincoln

  Every little bit of Awareness matters!

  

  The Love of my Life

My Son~ My Sunshine

I never could have imagined how motherhood would change my life completely…. Never.
I was petrified every day scared out of my mind as having a high risk pregnancy I could have lost my sweet boy Lincoln at any time due to SUA and an umbilical cord insertion issue. After 30 weeks of gestation I had to drive 1 hour round trip twice a week to the hospital for monitoring and testing while working a full-time stressful job being a certified pharmacy technician. Always by myself to each and every appointment as I had a very unsupportive/abusive ex…. in fact the first time he hit me was when I was pregnant.

But on May 14th 2008 at 1:45 in the morning my Angel was brought into the world. I will Never forget every single ounce of pain from natural childbirth but also how it immediately vanished the moment they laid him on my bare chest. I kept saying “Ohmygod, Ohmygod, Ohmygod!”~
Tears flooded down my face and that instant overpowering love was truly the most momentous occasion in my entire life. The astounding immense love I felt for him border-lined on post partum psychosis as I was up every 2 hours breastfeeding him but in-between those hours instead of sleeping I found myself constantly checking on him, putting my hand on his belly to make sure it was still rising, and carefully having a finger under his nose to make sure he was still breathing. Phew talk about temporary insanity!

I wouldn’t change the grey hairs I immediately started growing within a months time of becoming a mother. I wouldn’t change the stretch marks and tarnished stomach because without those “mama war wounds” then I wouldn’t have the unbelievable love and shining light that he glows every day!

Some days are harder than others to maintain all the positive energy that I aspire to keep in our lives. It is an uphill battle to put the so-called “oxygen mask on yourself first” when ALL you want to do is use every ounce of strength for your child (especially since my son is fairly non verbal ASD, so I HAVE to be his voice)! People have asked me if I could go back in time and not have had this pregnancy would I…? To them I try to refrain from shouting HELL NO! Unless you have experienced the joys/struggles of being a special needs parents then you truly do not understand, and that lacking perspective can only be gained upon obtaining awareness from learning information and showing kindness!

This month of #AutismAwarenes I refuse to keep my mouth shut!
I will continue to speak words from my mind, heart, and complete soul up until the day I no longer walk this earth.

Liar Liar pants on Fire…

Call me crazy if you would like but I just don’t understand why people cheat…
If you are not happy in the relationship and start desiring other people then just end things!
Clearly the relationship is either dysfunctional or not meeting your needs/desires. It’s the obvious beginning of the end so why not just pull the band-aid off in one swift motion instead of a painstakingly slow process that makes it hurt more…?

I think it’s a pretty fair assumption that a large percentage of us have been cheated on at least once in our lives (I know I have) and know firsthand how badly it stings and the wounds that leave an aftershock behind like a tsunami after an earthquake. Let’s face it we ALL have baggage in one way or another. That is why the phrase was coined to “find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack”. However call me crazy again if you would like, but I feel that it’s better to be alone than to be with someone and feel alone.

Life is so complicated sometimes…
You’re up
You’re down
You trust, love, and care
Hoping, expecting, and dreaming that this treatment will be returned only to realize all too often that you indeed set yourself up to experience major heartbreak (or heart-annihilation as I like to create my own terminology).
This game called love- it is quite the crazy little one it seems. How many epic love ballads are there on the radio from decades past and present music now? Would there even be half as many songs created if love was not used as a lyrical foundation? But the real meaty question I ponder sometimes if ultimately it’s just an ego stroke or a way of amusement for some. Picking up someone’s heart like a proverbial shiny new toy and then discarding it once the next perceived better one comes on the market.

People who have intentions such as this are like cancer. You get the initial diagnosis. Then remove the tumor with surgery so it’s cut out, but draining chemotherapy to fix this life or death situation is oftentimes still needed. A proactive cleansing so to speak. Maintenance is also necessary in order to ensure one’s long term health.
Scars are left but only should serve the purpose of showing us where we have been. They do not and should not dictate where we are going. Learning to have faith and hope in love again is no easy process by any means after we have endured such pain, but we must enter the future with a clean slate if we want a shot at Real love.

I do believe it is truly out there for me and everyone else too. It’s just waiting for the moment you have progressed to a state of health, stability, self-love, and have developed independence knowing you don’t Need anyone to create your happiness because you know how to make it yourself. It’s liberating and amazing to free yourself from that emotional prison since you are the one possessing the key, so it cannot be taken away unless you entrust someone to hold it. Once you have gotten to that point you know what else they say- that it is only when you least expect and stop seeking love out that it then proceeds to falls into your lap. “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one” John Lennon said. I’ll leave with a lesser known quote by him that I love:

 “You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!”

What if…? A dangerous question

It seems that eventually in life we encounter an inevitable fork in one of the many crossroads we face as adults, and suddenly find ourselves caught up in a whirlwind trying to determine which way to proceed. Choosing one person to date instead of another, whether or not to get married, which house to buy, and heck even where to eat dinner! All of those things have the potential to be disastrous unfortunately- the chosen relationship turns toxic and chances are that someone much better for you passed by, you inadvertently bought a “money pit” of a house or worse yet end up a victim of crime there, and the chance of food poisoning is always prevalent eating out too! Not necessarily meant to be negative connotations here- just little reminders that we do not even realize most of the time how our choices come with either good or bad consequences. Had we chosen “left” instead of “right” or “A” instead of “B” then obviously there would have been a different outcome.

The point however is that we will drive ourselves mad pondering all the “What if’s”. It can be quite the slippery slope. To illustrate: a little bit of alcohol, bacon, red meat, or sugar is just fine but too much will cause your body to break down in a multitude of diseases. The same would become of our heart, mind, and soul if we were to indulge excessively in this behavior. Moderation is the most easily disregarded implement we can have in our tool-belt.
Asking ourselves thought-provoking questions about our past can indeed be healthy and beneficial for obtaining enlightenment and growth, but again an over-sized portion will have an unhealthy opposite effect. I think of it as corrosion of our spirit, and just like how the batteries in our vehicles need check-ups and replacements we too need these reality checks in order to maintain the power inside ourselves. I love Wikipedia (I have an app that gives me daily info and am a happy little nerd with each post) so I looked up the definition of this commonly known phrase:

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions is a proverb or aphorism. An alternative form is “hell is full of good meanings, but heaven is full of good works“.

How much hidden truth is in that second meaning? We can create hell or heaven for ourselves with our actions and our choices alone. The blame game serves no purpose for attaining personal growth. If we humbly accept our mistakes then we are laying the first brick down on the path of altruism. This path has many twists and turns so learning from our past transgressions and changing our course NOW is the surest way to secure safer and happier future steps.
Why not start now? What have you got to lose besides emotional clutter inside that can be cleaned up spic and span and cleared out to make space for blissfully happy new experiences. Here is a quote from Buddha that I love:

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”

Thoughts become beliefs, beliefs become behaviors, and then ultimately become the actions we take in all of our decisions to follow. I say pull out the weeds and make room for planting beautiful seeds that will unquestionably bring fulfilling satisfaction and the upmost content imaginable.

My Rose-colored glasses may have Cracks- But I’m still wearing them

When did caring become such an undesirable quality?

It appears that kindness is oftentimes portrayed more to be weakness in this day and age instead of a cherished endearing quality. We were all born with a clean slate after all, so I believe that we are capable of this natural propensity. However when life throws unavoidable curve-balls sometimes an unnatural shift or learned coping behavior sets in to safeguard ourselves. So many people can reach a horrific point of being shut off completely. Is this a subconscious or unconscious choice as a way of self preservation? I often ponder that thought….

After recent discussions with friends and family who are so closed off and frequently chastise me for being so open it just hurts my heart immensely. Especially seeing plenty of humanity fall into this abhorrent trap of negativity. Albeit certain circumstances happen beyond our control such as: child or adulthood abuse, addiction, death, natural disasters, terrorism, and many other countless tragedies that happen every day. Instead of rising up against the surmounting obstacles it certainly is easier to wallow in despair (as I most certainly have done in the past and still struggle with when one or all of the balls in this juggling act I call life fall), and despite our best actions we may feel that we cannot recover.

Our hearts can become hardened much like how trans fats clog up our arteries- thus preventing life supporting blood we desperately need flowing throughout our bodies in order to maintain physical well-being. The waiting list for ailing hearts to receive life-saving transplant surgery is far too long and unfortunately not enough donors can reach debilitated ones in time. If healthy steps are not taken on our part to change then we could find ourselves rapidly deteriorating.

Philosophically speaking I want to be a child again…. carefree, unabashed to society, and joy-filled. Happiest over the tiniest of things because we inherently know who we are before we are told who to be.
The question begs to be asked then at what age does this unfavorably set in? High school, puberty, or even elementary school for particularly shy tykes (like myself)? Flash forward to adulthood and now the world beats its deafening indoctrination into us on a daily basis. Sinking it deeper and deeper into our psyche and most times we are not even aware of it.

Why shouldn’t we be allowed to follow the song in our hearts? March to our own drum beats? Dream our dreams and not be afraid to follow them to fruition or to failure? Thankfully my sweet son has shown me quite simply how joyful it is acknowledging the small wonders of life.
Appreciatively he reminds me daily of just how awesome it is to have the chance to act like a kid again! When you are a child you just do things because they feel good. Dancing, singing, swinging, jumping into puddles, and playing with our imaginations endlessly to name just a few! No judgement- No guilt – No shame or embarrassment. It reminds me of the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “The sun illuminates only the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and the heart of the child”.

Look up at the sky every day. Notice the cloud variations, the sunrises and sunsets, or if you can visit the beach at night watch the stars light up that beautiful canvas- if you are lucky enough perhaps you may just catch a heat lightning storm dancing on display. If you don’t “Stop and smell the Roses” you are missing out on an indescribable monetary free amount of wealth for your soul. It is your choice and yours alone- Change your thoughts Change your world. So much happiness and fulfillment can be missed if instead of having on these seemingly silly rose colored glasses we are viewing the world through thick dark shades completely hiding the windows of our souls. If we only get one life I want to make sure that every day mine is filled with acknowledgement of beauty and appreciation. The gift of life is not a given right, and after all it’s called the Presence which is a wonderful reminder that life is indeed a Present!

One of our absolute favorite pastimes – Running along the beach to watch the sunset. He never seems to stop running or grinning and giggling!! He gets that from his Mama

Autism Moms are Tough as Nails

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Well I feel like I could bench press a semi truck!
The gravity of all the responsibility, care, and understanding that being a special needs parent entails is something you don’t realize you are handling so well at the time (I am always thinking there is something else I could be doing better for my sweet boy), but once you step back an Ah-ha moment of how rewarding it can be suddenly appears if you are lucky enough to catch that awareness.

I had the last 3 days off from my special needs single mama duty and something hit me like a ton of bricks- in an eye-opening enlightened way.
I finally get why people tell me such heartfelt things about how they can see the love, care, and patience I have for Lincoln with every photo or status I post. The best compliment I could ever receive in my life truly!
If your child is fairly non-verbal (like my sweet boy) then an inner private detective has to come out every time they are sick since they cannot tell you what is wrong. Imagine for a moment that you almost have to be like a veterinarian in a way since you have to sense what they are feeling without words and take care accordingly for their well-being.

Challenging? Yes. Rewarding? Yes. Indescribably so.

I sometimes see parents when I am out in public tell their kids to shutup-
It angers and saddens me beyond belief I must admit. Usually I just offer a consolatory smile to hopefully diffuse the situation a little bit however sometimes I feel the need to share a sincere dose of perspective…
Generally something to the affect of:

“You don’t know how lucky you are to hear your child’s thoughts- I would give the world to hear my sons thoughts!”

-This usually stops them dead in their tracks and makes them realize that instead of silencing their child(ren) they should enjoy the gift they do not even know they have. It is not meant to be condescending in any way shape or form- just a small reality check. A little awareness goes a LONG way. For anyone who either has autism, daily navigates the tricky road of autism parenting, and also for “regular” children and parents (I abhor using the word normal) as well. Appreciate what you have however you have it. Children are a blessing beyond what words can ever describe in a limitless amount of ways…

They say you don’t know true love until you have a child and I couldn’t agree more. It truly is a momentous occasion to forever have your heart walk around outside of you on this earth, and it is your given right thereafter to embrace that love with your whole heart chock full of gratitude. I believe with my entire soul that if I were to get hit by a bus tomorrow I would die content knowing that I gave my all to him.
Is there anything more you could ask for in this world…?

The day he realized he wasn’t scared of bubbles anymore at a therapy appointment. Bliss.

My love. My everything.

Is Honesty truly the best policy?

In this game of life (as with the actual game of poker) I put my cards all out on the table concealing nothing thereby having absolutely no poker face. Not exactly a strategic method of living. In fact it works to my own detriment more often than I would like to admit. I’ve been told by my best friends to not do this in future relationships (especially with the opposite sex) but are you supposed to just mask your true self in order to blend in with society or eventually find a partner? NO! How could that be?! Honesty is the fundamental basis for any real relationship- professionally, platonically, and romantically. Without trust there is nothing. Yes I may get taken advantage of frequently getting used/abused and speak too open/honestly when it would be easier to omit things. I have tolerated a lot from people I loved and I thought loved me only to constantly find my heart broken and left in pieces. But I believe a person is only as good as their word and actions that follow from their words. Call me an idealist, incredibly naive, or permanently clad in rose-colored glasses but I wouldn’t change myself for the world. Not having a heart would be a far worse fate than having one that constantly needs surgery to mend the lacerations.

It seems nowadays that it is much easier to not care because it is safer being tucked behind the walls you make for yourself. When I meet people so closed off I always picture their heart as looking like a castle surrounded by a moat. The actual definition of a moat via my beloved handy dictionary app reads as follows: a deep, wide ditch that is usually filled with water and that goes around the walls of a place (such as a castle) to protect it from being attacked. Choosing to live in a state of constant offense expecting to go into defense at any time…? No thank you! Yes I know I care and divulge too much but I would rather have an overflowing heart than one that is stopped up and unable to outpour. What a different world we would live in if more people adapted this seemingly odd way of thinking…

Can we not start a movement to encourage this shift? It might not be the easiest road to travel at first, but trust me it certainly has the most incredible views and rewarding experiences! John Lennon said it best – “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”

Yes INDEED!

*Check out #30DOT