My Son~ My Sunshine

I never could have imagined how motherhood would change my life completely…. Never.
I was petrified every day scared out of my mind as having a high risk pregnancy I could have lost my sweet boy Lincoln at any time due to SUA and an umbilical cord insertion issue. After 30 weeks of gestation I had to drive 1 hour round trip twice a week to the hospital for monitoring and testing while working a full-time stressful job being a certified pharmacy technician. Always by myself to each and every appointment as I had a very unsupportive/abusive ex…. in fact the first time he hit me was when I was pregnant.

But on May 14th 2008 at 1:45 in the morning my Angel was brought into the world. I will Never forget every single ounce of pain from natural childbirth but also how it immediately vanished the moment they laid him on my bare chest. I kept saying “Ohmygod, Ohmygod, Ohmygod!”~
Tears flooded down my face and that instant overpowering love was truly the most momentous occasion in my entire life. The astounding immense love I felt for him border-lined on post partum psychosis as I was up every 2 hours breastfeeding him but in-between those hours instead of sleeping I found myself constantly checking on him, putting my hand on his belly to make sure it was still rising, and carefully having a finger under his nose to make sure he was still breathing. Phew talk about temporary insanity!

I wouldn’t change the grey hairs I immediately started growing within a months time of becoming a mother. I wouldn’t change the stretch marks and tarnished stomach because without those “mama war wounds” then I wouldn’t have the unbelievable love and shining light that he glows every day!

Some days are harder than others to maintain all the positive energy that I aspire to keep in our lives. It is an uphill battle to put the so-called “oxygen mask on yourself first” when ALL you want to do is use every ounce of strength for your child (especially since my son is fairly non verbal ASD, so I HAVE to be his voice)! People have asked me if I could go back in time and not have had this pregnancy would I…? To them I try to refrain from shouting HELL NO! Unless you have experienced the joys/struggles of being a special needs parents then you truly do not understand, and that lacking perspective can only be gained upon obtaining awareness from learning information and showing kindness!

This month of #AutismAwarenes I refuse to keep my mouth shut!
I will continue to speak words from my mind, heart, and complete soul up until the day I no longer walk this earth.