I never thought I would be fighting this battle…
No scratch that- It is a war since the battle is every day, and differs in nature yet the intended outcome of fighting for progression never changes.
These are the battles of raising a child on the Autism spectrum.
Most of the time I have only glorious things to say with bright beaming eyes that reflect my overflowing heart referring to my sweet son Lincoln. However there are darker days that no autism parent seems to want to talk about… Days where we just spontaneously start sobbing because we want so much for our children to advance yet it seems insurmountably impossible for them to ever catch up to the “normal” ( which I Hate using that word)!
We scream into a pillow when our repeated efforts get ignored and defied without so much as a simple “yes” or “no”. Instead we get screaming thrashing tantrums that a 2 year old would use to express his feelings (since our child has the same verbal skills which there inlies the heartbreak.) The tragic pain of watching our child get picked on verbally or mocked physically with his outward “stims” which either leads to a meltdown of our own to maybe try raising even a minute ounce of awareness or (but never admitted) an excuse to blast how worn out we are shouldering the heavy weight of this disorder.
On the flip side again~ The many joyous times outweigh the bad times.
Parents all too often set exceedingly high expectations for their children and do not notice the everyday achievements. These can be unseen and unacknowledged for the scope of a regular parent. However every new song I hear my son humming or trying to sing with each and every key in sync and perfect rhythm brings tears to my eyes.
After each therapy appointment I am surprised at how much he knows…
the entire alphabet and recognizes it when asked, every shape and color, the ability to multitask at crazy fast speeds with his Ipad and preferred self stimulation of ball bouncing.
It all is a moment where perspective sets in and one can sit back and appreciate these seemingly small things that are enormously huge conquests to us. Priceless. The price of diapers, wipes, and food thrown away since there is terrible non compliance with these issues does make for a monetarily hefty pricetag! However it’s part of the package.
The catch 22. It takes blood, sweat, and tears to rise above the challenges but oh how beautiful it is here on top getting to see the world from such an elevated vantage point!
ariellemegan 