My title is not referring to an enchantingly pleasant scene found in a frolicsome magician’s act. No.
This is the disappearing act Generation Y has deemed “Ghosting”.
If you are unfamiliar with the term (lucky you!) then read on as Urban Dictionary defines it as:
“The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the “ghostee” will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.”
Classy eh? Not so much.
The “ghoster” thinks that by suddenly dropping out of the other person’s life they shared together (short term or long term) then it will be easier on the “ghostee” since they won’t be facing the reality of having that mature discussion fearing the potential it could be misconstrued and cause further anger or pain to the other party.
In actuality however this is absolutely pure garbage—
Rather it is this person masking the truths they are too afraid to say.
Hide and seek is a fun game we play as children not as adults being in a relationship.
The “supposed effort” of wanting to NOT hurt the other person is null and void. Since their cold actions and lack of words do indeed speak for themselves thereby showing they truly do NOT care, and now makes you wonder if they actually really ever did… ? No “ghosting someone” is done purely out of fear, a lack of common decency, and clearly a lack of having an actual set of balls. Harsh? Maybe.
However in my little life I came to the realization that my brutally honest definition nails it on the head more often than not.
People are merely afraid of that dreaded Awkward conversation so they rationalize their immature behavior. Shrinking back in cowardice sitting and waiting for you to get sick of this seemingly out of the clear blue sky 180 degree spin, and oftentimes it is not by any means precipitated out of “care”-they know all too well that this treatment inevitably makes the other person blow up angrily causing the end to come generally in a very destructive unhealthy way.
Sad to say…. This is the times we live in where chivalry seems not just dead, but dead and buried long ago.
My question is this:
Why tarnish the relationship you once had by not respectfully taking a mere half hour out of your day to grab coffee and have the utter human decency/respect to discuss things cordially in person without icing the other person out with such frigid coldness?
Inevitably this leads to an obliteration of the relationship which is now blown to smithereens making it an unrecognizable portion of your heart.
The once singing “love” is now deafened from the cold shoulder received.
Basically then the other person who tauntingly had been left dangling this whole entire time callously now faces this brutal realization alone.
Suddenly the pit of your stomach sinks absorbing the eventuality that their the once patient lover is now gone. Pushed out maybe with no rhyme or reason. Needlessly wanting the closure to help abolish the frays of the relationship that have now whittled down to nothing at the end of this painstaking rope….
Maybe it comes out in an angry and/or emotional drunk text. Maybe upon meeting up after saying those dreaded 4 words no one wants to hear:
“We Need to Talk“. However if the other person doesn’t even give you the chance of discussing what on earth caused this insane flip of a switch any thoughts of closure might as well be thrown into the garbage along with all the momentos, gifts, and memories. It is cruel to say the least.
An excruciating pain beyond what mere words can express knowing that clearly your love, care, or that initial amazing connection you both clearly had and were so excited about has been blown up into utter annihilation.
I will never Ever understand how it can be so easy for some to just cut the ripcord so to speak. No warning- just that subtle first distance, which in turn leads you spinning into a dance no one ever desires to learn.
With each and every single day that passes it becomes more pronounced, and that hole in your heart continues to grow deeper. Surpassing distance more massive than the Grand Canyon. It ends up leaving a much bigger world of pain than if the other party just had the decency to give the relationship a proper end!
Would it have been difficult? Of course.
Does the person who meant so much to you only months, weeks, or even years ago deserve to know the truth? Yes!
It is simply disrespect at it’s finest and cuts so deeply that the wounds stab straight down to your very core.
Now I am not going to sit here like an angel and claim that I have never done this in my life, but once it hit me what I had done to these poor men (since I was deathly afraid of confrontation) it haunted me later.
I realized turning 30 a year and a half ago that I would not Ever do that again. It is just cruel. Plain and simple. No other words can describe.
*True Story moment* A friend of mine I casually dated many months back wrote me a letter recently (Yes, an actual letter sent snail mail to my mailbox not email) detailing out how much I hurt him, how devastated he was and still is, and especially since I never gave him a clear answer as to why I slowly ditched out. After reading the letter I felt so guilty, terrible, and ashamed that I hurt someone out of my lack of maturity by not just Telling him I felt all along that things weren’t right between us…
I just didn’t look at him that way- I felt a friendship connection not a romantic one… and while I tried communicating that several times he wasn’t getting the hint so I more or less proceeded to “ghost” him.
I would eventually return texts saying how busy I am… blah blah blah, yada yada yada, but really it was that I did not want to see him anymore.
He kept laying it on so thick about wanting us to be more serious than we were, told me he loved me, could see himself being my son’s stepfather who he would love and treat better than my son’s own father-
Yikes! It was TOO MUCH! ESPECIALLY since I did not feel that way about him.
I was NOT even in an actual relationship with him!
I was never his “girlfriend” and made that crystal clear right AWAY, never told him I loved him, and kept any physical contact to a minimum as I realized that I was trying desperately to persuade myself to be into him since he was so sweet… but my heart was just not in it.
I have to be true to my heart above all else. Is that not all we have in this world that is truly our own?
I believe that the best we can do is learn from these experiences-
how we were treated and how we treat others, and try to not perpetuate this cycle anymore in the future.
Be brave enough to love again.
And if you find that love is not what you truly want then grace the person with the dignity you wish that you had received the last time your heart was broken.
Like my favorite quote says “Be the change you wish to see in the world” ~Ghandi
ariellemegan 